"If no one is accusing you of being too legalistic, then you probably aren't living a holy life. If no one is accusing you of being a bleeding heart, then you probably arne't loving enough. If no one is accusing you of being too dogmatic, then you probably aren't standing for the truth. If no one is accusing you or criticizing you, then you probably aren't doing anything significant."

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Pause, Play, Rewind

Have you ever had one of those days where you would like to push the rewind button not because it was so wonderful but because you say to yourself, "I think I could do better if I just started over again?" Or what about the humbling days where the pause button would be the most amazing thing to press because today, you are SUPER MOM, kids are great, playing together, saying their please and thank yous and obeying at every command that comes out of your mouth.
Sometimes that pause button and the rewind button often clash and therefore only play seems to be realistic button because in those pause moments where we are rocking as SUPER MOM we often fall to our faces because we then realize that we have kids that didn't nap, that you went grocery shopping way too late, there's a poopy diaper that was just discovered so now you have to change it before you can leave, and too top it off, there's baby spit up on your shirt and oh yeah, it's cold out so, "Guys wait, we need to put coats on because its not summer anymore." So then, we have shoes on the wrong feet, the baby has tipped over, and Liam has just realized he left his pretzel upstairs and we couldn't possibly leave without that...wherever it may be a half hour later already then you had already anticipated leaving, you forgot your sling to carry your baby in so now you have an infant that you have to hold up in the grocery cart while sifting through the million coupons you should have done a btter job organizing .
You guessed it! This was my evening, what a wonderful one it was, really I mean that! God uses these seemingly, "is this all really happening at once" moments to teach us something.
I absolutely love being a mother its who I have always wanted to be, instead of dreaming of a movie star wedding, or that perfectly trimmed office job, I dreamt of having a bazillion children, wearing mom jeans and driving a minivan. I don't know how many times I remember myself setting my fake table and telling my little brother what to say while we played house (he would always do it too).
In that world however, all of my pieces fell together perfectly; my brother listened, cleaning up fake food and fake dishes were way faster and I never had to sweep up the spaghetti noodles that cling to the kitchen floor like they have had nothing else to live for.
Tonight, however, I was reminded of how amazing God is. I realize in those not so perfect moments that its God who gets me through them and he's not testing me on how well of a job I do, or how SUPER I am. I can work in all my "amazing" abilities but I do have a "last straw mister"! Its then that I go, shoot! I messed up again, I try so hard and then I get so frustrated that my last straw is pulled or there's no more secret chocolate stash to get me through that endless moment of battle of the wills.
All this to say,  that when I came to the end of myself this evening (and it wasn't even the craziness because who doesn't thrive on that) it was just the end of a day wasn't even that bad really, God tapped on my shoulder and said, "I don't expect you to be perfect, I don't expect you to be SUPER mom, I don't love you because of how great of a mom you  are or lack there of. I love you because of Christ in you.You are going to make mistakes, its inevitable, you are human, but I don't have a strike three you're out count. Let me lead you and then you CAN be SUPER mom.
It was such a simple, humbling teaching moment. I realize that its easier to be super mom in the easy moments and be boastful and say, Go me! But its in those trying moments that remind me that its God that's in control and because of Him and HIS grace I can be the mother I dreamed of being and then am reminded that in those easy monets that has to be God as well. And at the end of the day, God doesn't judge me because I failed or on how well I did, its by His grace that I'm even accepted and that's all I need to know. So I guess I'll throw out that rewind and pause button and just push play!

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