I remember the days when Friday nights would not be the night chosen to "express my thoughts" to anyone or even considering sitting down and working at a computer. Oh how those wild and crazy (not to crazy) Friday nights seem like forever ago, where you stay up as late as possible because you know you'll get to sleep in on Saturday morning.
A lot has changed since long ago... I went to the grocery store a couple of Fridays ago and there was some rap music on in the van and I, yes me, was rocking out-totally Mom style. It was only for about 30 seconds because after that I realized that the people in the vehicle next to me might call the psych ward thinking one got loose. Needless to say I went a picked up my movie and drove back home. When I pulled in my home, I was overwhelemed with a sense of pride and love for my family. I have the most amazing husband waiting to spend his time with me, his Friday night. I have three children all sleeping soundly eagerly waiting to get up in the morning so they can have their Lucky Charms for breakfast and cuddle with Mommy before the days begins.
Its amazing because for a brief moment I'm sure we all have those moment where we do want to go back in time and "party it up" and by party it up its play card games way to late and toilet paper someone else's car. But that desire passes so quickly for me. I have a family that loves me and desires my presence, as much fun as the "single" life was I so enjoy my Mom Friday night: drinking my dt. Pepsi, sitting in front of a computer, knowing that when my Liam has a boo boo all I have to do is kiss and it will be better, seeing Rebekah giggle when I pull the blanket from over her head and putting a blanket over Natalie's head because that's how she sleeps. The best part: knowing that in just a few hours my husband will come home.
I absolutely adore my husband. He is absolutely the best person in the world to me. I am so thankful for his heart to serve God no matter what, no matter the cost, his love for me and his continued devotion to my heart. How he loves his children and even when they might not be lovable at times. I am so proud to be called his wife, and I support him one hundred percent. I hope to be with him the day that he gets to hear God say to him, "Well done my good and faithful servant."
I know this is long but it really has been awhile.
A few nights ago I watched the Duggers (oh to have 20 children....). One of the questions they were asked was how do they deal with their tempers and their response totally convicted me and sent me to my knees. The father said, "When we are angry with our children and we express that anger towards them, it separates our relationship with them, causing division." Hearing this hurt so much and cut really deep. How many times lately have I been so quick to get angry and really? because things aren't going my way. But yet I expect the kids to act a certain way and Liam says, "Be angry and do not sin, right Mom?" OUCH!
How can we teach our children grace and mercy if we don't show that to them? How do we teach them that the Lord is slow to anger and abundant in mercy and grace if we don't express that to them...? Grace! The Lord gives us grace and through that shows our children that Mom and Dad aren't so perfect but He is. Lord teach me to be slow to anger, teach me your grace, teach me to remember that it's not all about me. Analyze the sitaution that's making me angry,because its probablythat something that isn't going my way.
I literally got on my face and asked God to forgive me, to help me, to be the strength when I can't. I don't say this for super Christian points I say this because what an amazing difference. I'm so thankful for my God who takes care of me, who holds my children closer to his heart than I do, who loves me enough and takes me in my weakness and I am able to actively see His grace shine.
I'm defintely learning but I'd say it was a pretty successful Friday night and quite a powerful one for just a Mom's Friday night.
"If no one is accusing you of being too legalistic, then you probably aren't living a holy life. If no one is accusing you of being a bleeding heart, then you probably arne't loving enough. If no one is accusing you of being too dogmatic, then you probably aren't standing for the truth. If no one is accusing you or criticizing you, then you probably aren't doing anything significant."