"If no one is accusing you of being too legalistic, then you probably aren't living a holy life. If no one is accusing you of being a bleeding heart, then you probably arne't loving enough. If no one is accusing you of being too dogmatic, then you probably aren't standing for the truth. If no one is accusing you or criticizing you, then you probably aren't doing anything significant."

Friday, November 11, 2011

A Mom's Friday Night

I remember the days when Friday nights would not be the night chosen to "express my thoughts" to anyone or even considering sitting down and working at a computer. Oh how those wild and crazy (not to crazy) Friday nights seem like forever ago, where you stay up as late as possible because you know you'll get to sleep in on Saturday morning.
A lot has changed since long ago... I went to the grocery store a couple of Fridays ago and there was some rap music on in the van and I, yes me, was rocking out-totally Mom style. It was only for about 30 seconds because after that I realized that the people in the vehicle next to me might call the psych ward thinking one got loose. Needless to say I went a picked up my movie and drove back home. When I pulled in my home, I was overwhelemed with a sense of pride and love for my family. I have the most amazing husband waiting to spend his time with me, his Friday night.  I have three children all sleeping soundly eagerly waiting to get up in the morning so they can have their Lucky Charms for breakfast and cuddle with Mommy before the days begins.
Its amazing because for a brief moment I'm sure we all have those moment where we do want to go back in time and "party it up" and by party it up its play card games way to late and toilet paper someone else's car. But that desire passes so quickly for me. I have a family that loves me and desires my presence, as much fun as the "single" life was I so enjoy my Mom Friday night: drinking my dt. Pepsi, sitting in front of a computer, knowing that when my Liam has a boo boo all I have to do is kiss and it will be better, seeing Rebekah giggle when I pull the blanket from over her head and putting a blanket over Natalie's head because that's how she sleeps. The best part: knowing that in just a few hours my husband will come home.
  I absolutely adore my husband. He is absolutely the best person in the world to me. I am so thankful for his heart to serve God no matter what, no matter the cost, his love for me and his continued devotion to my heart. How he loves his children and even when they might not be lovable at times. I am so proud to be called his wife, and I support him one hundred percent. I hope to be with him the day that he gets to hear God say to him, "Well done my good and faithful servant."
I know this is long but it really has been awhile.
A few nights ago I watched the Duggers (oh to have 20 children....). One of the questions they were asked was how do they deal with their tempers and their response totally convicted me and sent me to my knees. The father said, "When we are angry with our children and we express that anger towards them, it separates our relationship with them, causing division."  Hearing this hurt so much and cut really deep. How many times lately have I been so quick to get angry and really? because things aren't going my way. But yet I expect the kids to act a certain way and Liam says, "Be angry and do not sin, right Mom?" OUCH!
How can we teach our children grace and mercy if we don't show that to them? How do we teach them that the Lord is slow to anger and abundant in mercy and grace if we don't express that to them...? Grace! The Lord gives us grace and through that shows our children that Mom and Dad aren't so perfect but He is.  Lord teach me to be slow to anger, teach me your grace, teach me to remember that it's not all about me. Analyze the sitaution that's making me angry,because its probablythat something that isn't going my way.

I literally got on my face and asked God to forgive me, to help me, to be the strength when I can't. I don't say this for super Christian points I say this because what an amazing difference. I'm so thankful for my God who takes care of me, who holds my children closer to his heart than I do, who loves me enough and takes me in my weakness and I am able to actively see His grace shine.
I'm defintely learning but I'd say it was a pretty successful Friday night and quite a powerful one for just a Mom's Friday night.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

It's Been Awhile

Its been awhile since I feel like I've had time to sit and actually complete a full thought.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Vanilla Ice Cream and Chocolate Syrup

When I was a little girl I would spend two weeks out of my summer with my grandmother. She was the only person I knew at the time that I had captured her entire world. She in short-was definitely my hero for all of my childhood. As much as I knew my parents loved me, no one could replace her or even try to step up to what she meant to me.
The other day Liam had vanilla ice cream and chocoloate syrup for the first time. As I squirted the syrup out of the bottle I was instantly brought back to those summer days when my Grandma and I would have this every night before bed. (How is it that you can pull that off as a kid but now? not a chance.)
Later in the week we went to the store and there was a certain smell that brought me back to the times with my grandmother, it was almost as if I was there with her.
How is it that someone can have that lasting of an impact on someone? Because she knew me, inside and out! She was there for me-over and over again, and very simply put-she just loved me. She didn't have to prove her love to me she just did and I knew and that was enough to this day.
I hope that I can have that kind of impact on those I come in contact with in my life. I hope I can just love and not try to prove anything, not try to fix anything, not try to make people someone who they aren't.
Really all I need to know is if they like vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Pause, Play, Rewind

Have you ever had one of those days where you would like to push the rewind button not because it was so wonderful but because you say to yourself, "I think I could do better if I just started over again?" Or what about the humbling days where the pause button would be the most amazing thing to press because today, you are SUPER MOM, kids are great, playing together, saying their please and thank yous and obeying at every command that comes out of your mouth.
Sometimes that pause button and the rewind button often clash and therefore only play seems to be realistic button because in those pause moments where we are rocking as SUPER MOM we often fall to our faces because we then realize that we have kids that didn't nap, that you went grocery shopping way too late, there's a poopy diaper that was just discovered so now you have to change it before you can leave, and too top it off, there's baby spit up on your shirt and oh yeah, it's cold out so, "Guys wait, we need to put coats on because its not summer anymore." So then, we have shoes on the wrong feet, the baby has tipped over, and Liam has just realized he left his pretzel upstairs and we couldn't possibly leave without that...wherever it may be a half hour later already then you had already anticipated leaving, you forgot your sling to carry your baby in so now you have an infant that you have to hold up in the grocery cart while sifting through the million coupons you should have done a btter job organizing .
You guessed it! This was my evening, what a wonderful one it was, really I mean that! God uses these seemingly, "is this all really happening at once" moments to teach us something.
I absolutely love being a mother its who I have always wanted to be, instead of dreaming of a movie star wedding, or that perfectly trimmed office job, I dreamt of having a bazillion children, wearing mom jeans and driving a minivan. I don't know how many times I remember myself setting my fake table and telling my little brother what to say while we played house (he would always do it too).
In that world however, all of my pieces fell together perfectly; my brother listened, cleaning up fake food and fake dishes were way faster and I never had to sweep up the spaghetti noodles that cling to the kitchen floor like they have had nothing else to live for.
Tonight, however, I was reminded of how amazing God is. I realize in those not so perfect moments that its God who gets me through them and he's not testing me on how well of a job I do, or how SUPER I am. I can work in all my "amazing" abilities but I do have a "last straw mister"! Its then that I go, shoot! I messed up again, I try so hard and then I get so frustrated that my last straw is pulled or there's no more secret chocolate stash to get me through that endless moment of battle of the wills.
All this to say,  that when I came to the end of myself this evening (and it wasn't even the craziness because who doesn't thrive on that) it was just the end of a day wasn't even that bad really, God tapped on my shoulder and said, "I don't expect you to be perfect, I don't expect you to be SUPER mom, I don't love you because of how great of a mom you  are or lack there of. I love you because of Christ in you.You are going to make mistakes, its inevitable, you are human, but I don't have a strike three you're out count. Let me lead you and then you CAN be SUPER mom.
It was such a simple, humbling teaching moment. I realize that its easier to be super mom in the easy moments and be boastful and say, Go me! But its in those trying moments that remind me that its God that's in control and because of Him and HIS grace I can be the mother I dreamed of being and then am reminded that in those easy monets that has to be God as well. And at the end of the day, God doesn't judge me because I failed or on how well I did, its by His grace that I'm even accepted and that's all I need to know. So I guess I'll throw out that rewind and pause button and just push play!

Sunday, October 2, 2011

It's NOT about me?!?

So I turned the TV on this morning and coincidently a preacher was preaching-on a Sunday no less.  He had a full auditorium with eager ears listening to every word that he spoke. Knowing a little bit about the man and seeing how many people filled the auditorium I was inclined to listen. This guy must have something great to say right? Well, it didn't take long for me to realize that what he was saying was completely BOGUS and I can't imagine being him on judgment day. In no way has God ever called us to an easy life and anything good that happens is from God but all that bad stuff that happens- God would never allow that.
I then went to church and heard a completely different message but yet with the same context. God does bless us but usually its after pain and tribulation. Joseph was the example given and how he was in no way at fault for the trials he went through but yet God turned his horrible situation around to good. Look at Job and how he lost everything yet never cursed God. Look at Ruth who was blessed after being hungry and lonely for years. Even Noah. He had to build an ark and put up with all kinds of ridicule from people but yet was amazingly blessed in the end.
As I kind of had a pouty morning I realized that life is indeed NOT about me, about my wants, about what I think is best. Does God care about my desires, wants, and me? Absolutely! Does He want to bless us? Absolutely! Did he say life would always be easy and give us what we want NOW? Absolutely not. But those hard times, those moments where you feel God has deserted you, just think, He's planning something big just for you. It may not be what you expected or wanted but it's going to give Him glory and honor and THAT my friend, is a much better plan than what you could have wanted. All we are asked to do is have faith. So with all that said, is it all about you?

Friday, September 30, 2011

Why Bubbles, Papers, and Trains?

So I don't know if anyone will find my simple little page on this great big internet thing but at least if someone does maybe I can be an encouragement out and I can feel like my little rantings can impact someone besides my brain.
I started this because I wanted to do something constructive at night....you don't really care. What you are really asking is, Why is your page called, bubbles, papers, and trains? Well I will tell you. Each and everyday in my little world, my Natalie gets excited about having a bubble bath, and Rebekah grabs the newspaper and has an ink mustache by the ending of swallowing the last part of the sports section (that means the Malone Telegram IS good for something folks) with a great big smile on her face. And on a consistent basis I am stretching my mad brain skills on how to build Liam a train track from one room to the next and finding a path that will get me from one part of the house to the other without tripping over the million trains that have to drive on the track but have tipped over numerous times.
So in few words, my life is full of bubbles, papers, and trains!

Are you thinking, seriously could this person have ANYTHING useful to say? Any useful links, any ways to save money? Earn money? Teach me some amazing talent that I never thought of? Anything? The answer is probably no. I am simply journaling online and apparently that really catches on so I thought I'd give it a try. Give me a chance I'm just figuring this out, I'll get pictures on the sight, be cool like the other bloggers, and who knows maybe my little ramblings will give you some encouragement.